September- The Month Of Uncertainty

Screen Shot 2017-10-12 at 22.41.07.pngAnother month of my gap year is over and not much progress has been made. I’ll warn you, this isn’t going to be a very positive post because this month I completely lost interest in everything. I haven’t done anything special or productive and I’ve pretty much felt uncertain and lost for the whole of September, but I’m going to document it anyway, because I want to be able to look back on an honest account of my gap year in the future.

Week One

Week one was pretty bleak. My motivation was low and I didn’t really have a purpose to get out of bed since I was unemployed and uninterested in my blog. I’d been applying to tons of jobs and got rejected from all of them and I was losing hope of ever getting one. A YouTuber that I’ve been watching for a while now is ‘muchelleb’, who has a channel dedicated to living your life intentionally. In one of her videos she mentioned the importance of positive affirmations and since I’d been playing with the law of attraction concept during August I decided to give affirmations a go, and I can confidently say…they.are.LIFE CHANGING! For the whole month I’ve been sitting down regularly to make statements that make me feel secure, such as ‘I am making small improvements to my life every day’ and ‘I am making a conscious effort to look after my physical and mental health’, and combined them with ‘brain dump’ journaling, which really helped pull me out of week one’s rut.

Week Two

Week two was pretty much the same, applying to jobs, getting rejected, not making an effort with my blog, getting stressed because I wasn’t making an effort with my blog…you get the idea. Throughout the week I continued journaling and writing positive affirmations and had a night at the theatre to look forward to. My family and I had booked tickets to see ‘The Addams Family’ musical in Sheffield, in which Carrie Hope Fletcher was playing ‘Wednesday’. I’d been watching Carrie’s ‘Watch Me Wednesdays’ for months leading up to my show date, so needless to say when I arrived at the theatre and found out she had to drop out of both performances on the day I was going, I was devastated. Don’t get me wrong I know she couldn’t help it and it was an amazing performance regardless, but it was just upsetting that the one thing I was looking forward to during two very bleak weeks wasn’t what I expected.

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Week Three

Two of my friends and I went to see the ‘Kingsman’ double bill release day midnight showing during week three, which really picked my mood up.

IMG_3050.JPG.jpgSince we were going to be watching four hours worth of film I went all out and baked Kingsman cupcakes and brought a blanket and slippers to the cinema and had an amazing night. Then I did something ridiculous. Anyone that knows me on a personal level will know that I’m incredibly introverted and shy. Drama lessons at school were my absolute worst nightmare, but for some reason last year I had the urge to take them again. I never actually took one and the need drifted away after a while when I accepted acting wasn’t for me. Apparently, that wasn’t enough for my brain to move on and during week three of September I convinced myself that acting lessons were exactly what I needed to overcome my shyness. After watching a ‘muchelleb’ video recommending you do something completely weird and random to get yourself out of a rut (which is still excellent advice that I’m trying to take), I booked in for a trial session at a local drama club and even started watching videos on how to get into drama school (I jumped the gun there, clearly). When it came to the night before the lesson I was up until 2.30am worrying and ended up emailing the teacher to cancel so I had enough peace of mind to go to sleep. I decided anything that causes me that amount of stress just isn’t something worth doing, and I think I’ve finally realised I’m better behind the camera than infront of it. I don’t regret booking the lesson because at least I proved to myself I had the nerve to push myself that far out of my comfort zone, but it definitely caused my mood to plummet right back down for a while which wasn’t great.

Week Four

By week four I still hadn’t got a job or even an interview, but I did receive a call to tell me I’d gained a place on the ‘British Film Institute Film Academy’ for 15-19 year olds, which was an opportunity I’d worked really hard to get during the application process. Although the programme is only one day a week and I still didn’t have a paid job, it gave me a sense of purpose going into October. It was also annual conkering day during week four which well and truly put me in the mood for pumpkin spiced lattes and mustard coloured everything!

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Social Media Goals

I literally have nothing to put in this section because I was so disinterested in my blog and Youtube during September I didn’t even bother to write posts never mind promote them and grow my other sites. I’m currently working on implementing the 80/20 principal into my social media and quite honestly at this point I’m considering leaving Instagram all together and focusing on the growth of my other platforms. Hopefully when I get my blogging motivation back the same will return for my social medias. Until then I’m just going to give myself the break I need and stop focusing on numbers.

Overall Feelings On The Month

September was an uncertain month. My moods went up and down and I didn’t really achieve anything, but everyone has uncertain periods in their life and ultimately I’ll get where I need to be, I just need to make next month better than this one.

Last Months Goals

-Bulk write, edit, photograph and promote posts

-Be at least a week ahead with posts and videos at all times

-Book my first solo trip

Needless to say, all of these goals failed miserably. I feel like I’ve failed every goal I’ve set in all three of my gap year update posts so far. I am working on it though, everyday I’m adding small strategies to my life to become a more motivated, productive person so I just have to accept that self improvement is a slow journey and I’ll get there eventually.

Next Months Goals

-Finish my America photo diaries

-Complete the ‘thirty day simplify your life challenge’

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-Get a job

Sorry if this post was a bit rambly and negative! I promise October will be more positive and productive! P.S How was September for you? Did you achieve everything you set out to? Megan x

 

3 Comments

  1. October 12, 2017 / 8:34 pm

    Aw it sounds like you are doing awesome and on the right path! From chaos often comes the most wonderful things 😀 blogging can be so hard to do if your hearts not in it, it took me about five years to get to where I knew what I loved to write about; there is no rush and everything is worthwhile! It sounds like you have brilliant self awareness which is one of the most amazing things to have 😀 xx

    elizabeth ♡ ”Ice Cream” whispers Clara
    (I would love to follow each other on bloglovin if you like! :D)

    • meganatkinsonslife
      October 12, 2017 / 9:13 pm

      Thank you SO much for this comment! It honestly brightened my day knowing someone took the time to read the post since I’ve been feeling negative about my blog. You’re totally right, everything is worth while and I’m still pretty new to blogging so I’m sure I’ll find my way. Thanks again for the comment and have a lovely day 🙂 xx

    • meganatkinsonslife
      October 12, 2017 / 9:14 pm

      P.S I just followed you on Bloglovin and your blog is stunning! I love the photography xx

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