I’ve been a huge fan of YouTube since 2012, and it took me three years to build up the confidence to do it myself. In 2015 when I finally hit upload on my first ever video, I felt nervous, excited and very cool. I was never one of the ‘it girls’ in school (nor did I ever want to be because, quite frankly, I didn’t like any of them), but sitting down in my ‘Tumblr’ bedroom talking about concerts and make up made me feel cool in my own right- I was doing something different and modern that I’d only ever seen one person at my school do before. The first time around I felt very exposed and ended up taking my videos down, but I tried again about a year later and ended up uploading pretty frequently for about four months, until I realised filming videos was making me feel physically mentally exhausted.
“I felt very exposed and ended up taking my videos down”
As an introvert, I can only spend a limited amount of time talking to people before I become drained; I leave parties early (when I go to them in the first place) and I stopped going to sleepovers when I was fifteen because I found it overwhelming having so many people around me the whole night. Now, you might be thinking, how is sitting alone talking to camera anything like that? Granted, theres no physical being sat having a conversation with me, but I think that might just be whats so draining about it. Talking to someone else for ten minutes is one thing, but talking to a camera constantly for ten minutes without pause to let someone else speak, combined with the over peppiness needed to keep an audience engaged often left me feeling physically and mentally exhausted for the rest of the day, and sometimes even sent me to sleep. I found that I had to force myself to sit down and film and rushed to get it over with in the shortest time possible, meaning I was never really happy with the outcome because I resented spending time filming and editing.
“talking to a camera…left me feeling physically
and mentally exhausted”
Don’t get me wrong, there were times when I was passionate about YouTube. I even surprised myself when I vlogged unphased in a packed departure lounge in Heathrow Airport and got a confidence boost from it. When I got to my destination, however, the same forced feeling came back and I didn’t vlog for the rest of my trip.
When I first started YouTube, I always thought blogging was something people did on the side because it wasn’t as enjoyable as filming videos. I always thought I’d put more time and effort into my channel than my blog, but here I am writing my sixth post in two days, with my energy and mental wellbeing still intact. I’ve found that having my very own, personal website is so much more satisfying than having a channel. I have my very own page on the internet that I’ve designed completely, that I can put a blend of writing and images on, giving me the opportunity to express my opinions and thoughts as well as my visually creative work. Perhaps one day I’ll wake up and find myself with the urge to film again, but for now I’m enjoying this little corner of the internet.
“I’ve found that having my very own, personal website
is so much more satisfying than having a channel”
I’d love to know your thoughts on filming videos; does it leave you feeling drained like me or do you enjoy it more than blogging? Leave a comment and let me know! Megan x